Vincentian 3

---

VINCENTIAN THREE – An APAzine from A.Vincent Clarke, 16 Wendover Way, Welling, Kent, DA16 2BN for the May '95 mailing of Chuck's Own.

---

PSYCHLIST

Had a surge of fellow-feeling (hi, fellow!) at Chuck's notes on cycling. The bicycle has been my chosen mode of transport for many years – ecologically sound, simple to maintain, handy, takes up very little storage space, gives physical exercise. and of course, above all, cheap. I took up cycling late – I used to resent the fact that I was mother-smothered when young and wasn't allowed to have a cycle, tho' in later years, remembering that we used to live on a bus route 150 yds. from one of the busiest streets in Croydon, I can (partly) understand it.

So it wasn't until I was in the RAF that I tried two wheels. The airfield had taken over various private properties on the perimeter as a precaution against spies with binoculars, and felt it had to provide protection against incendiary bombs setting fire to them (the houses, not the spies).

So a small piquet of half-a-dozen 'erks' was set each night to 'fire-watch', and, as some of the sites were a couple of miles distant, bicycles were provided. I can't remember if I had any lessons that first night, but I hadn't been told about brakes. My first trip ended in a hedge.

Things improved after that. Somehow I managed to get a RAF bike, apparently made of solid cast-iron, for personal use, and on occasions pedalled it 30-odd miles home at weekends. Later, as a 'civvie', I had a series of second-hand bikes until finally in the '70s I bought a new 'Dawes', ultra-light with especially narrow wheels. The latter were changed after these marvellous tyres skidded on some 1/4 inch thick yellow road marking paint.

I had a couple of could-have-been-serious accidents – skidding on oil at a bus stop, which left me with a dislocated shoulder (those fine folk who write about the sexual satisfaction of pain in Chuck's THINGUMYBOB should try it), and having a car run into my rear on a fork where I had the right-of-way. Glad to say the driver paid for repairs.

But during my life cycling has become far more dangerous. I wouldn't attempt to cycle in central London now, and am full of admiration for the idiots who do it. And there's some places where it's worse. Some years ago I bought a fascinating book about cycles, Richard's Bicycle Book, by an American, Richard Ballantine, with some of the best advice I've ever read in it: Look for openings in traffic, driveways, streets, garages, etc., that you can duck into should the need arise. Try to plan where you would go should you and the bike part company. And Richard shows what to us sounds like a paranoid streak, but may be justified in the States: A lot of people behind the wheel are authentic maniacs. No matter how right you are, any confrontation with a motor vehicle will wind up with you the loser.

As one who tried creeping up the pavement side of a large lorry at traffic lights, and a second or two later watched it crunch the bike's rear wheel from the safety of that pavement (I knew where to duck but didn't have time to take all of the bike) I can endorse that last bit.

But I'd hate to be without the thing.

Sorry for all the techno-babble.

---

BOOK LOOK

I answered an advert in Radio Times for a new Fantasy & SF Book Club, and the first offer of especially reduced books turned up. The invoice preened itself a bit – £109-48 worth for a mere £11-10p. Of course, you have to order 4 books from succeeding catalogues at – by the look of it – about 2/3rds price – but I guess I can bear it.

The major acquisition was the 2nd. edition of the SF Encyclopedia for £5, and the world lost me for a couple of days as I plunged into it, trying to absorb everything from Edward Abbey (1927-1989) to Wiktor Zwikiewicz (see Poland). Very, very complete – has some books mentioned in it which I was beginning to think no one but myself knew about (eg. The Perfect World, and Share of Glory). They tag the author of the latter as 'possibly pseudonymous' which strikes me as bibliographically humorous – the name 'Arthur Wellesley Kipling' was what made me look at it twice in the first place.

In fact there's a lot of rather sharp and sometimes funny criticism in this second edition which I can't remember from the first. On the remake of King Kong it remarks on didactic, moralizing scenes in a manner which suggests that the new Hollywood has a much lower opinion of the public than the old one did.. On the film Battlestar Galactica – and a second battle against the Cylons (close relatives of Star Wars's stormtrooper) – clearly a near thing: "The Cylon Fleet is five microns away and closing".

Enough of quotes. What I started out to say was that I was asked to pick so many books from the initial display advert, which, incidentally, presented some difficulties, and a couple of them turned out to be not available. But presumably being in a hurry (I wonder how many replies they had from a full page ad. in the multi-million circulation Radio Times?) they didn't offer an alternative but bunged into the parcel 5 gleaming, virginal PB fantasies by David Eddings, the first 5 (dunno if there's more) of his Belgariad series. These are still virginal – spines uncracked, pages un-eyetracked – and I'm wondering what the hell to do with them. Give them to a local charity? Any suggestions?

---

COMMENTS ON SECOND MAILING

BOOTLACE – Ian Bambro

It was also used to strangle enemy guards with in WW2. Has James Bond ever used them? Probably be silk, embroidered with gold-thread.....but no, we all know James's shoes are elastic sided and don't need laces. Interesting about folk thinking that now you've retired you'll have plenty of time to Do Things. I used to be the same. "When I retire I'll read all the books that I want to from the Library." "When I retire I'll clear out the attic." "I'll do this....I'll do that...." It just doesn't happen. I don't know if this is a general feeling – I suppose it isn't, as some retired people commit suicide because of boredom – but the longer I live the more I find to do. Tempered by less energy. Depressing, in a way.

Good comments on Child on Board, (wish I'd said that) and good duplicating.

UGLYBUG BALL 2

Ta for new address. From a couple of remarks I think we have different ideas on APAs. I, for one, am not looking – in the present extended fandom – for earth-shaking ideas or extended brilliancies. More like a few idiosyncratic views layered over friendly correspondence.

24 SECS. etc. – Chris Carne

Made me rather sad. No, no, not the quality of the humour, but the reiteration of the realisation that fandom is now an amorphous monster with tentacles stretching around the world. It's virtually impossible to be funny about the thing per se, so the would-be humorist has to swoop from Joe Miller's Joke Book through Tom Lehrer and Raymond Chandler to Tony Slattery. It's terribly old-fashioned, but once upon a time fandom used to be compact enough so that it could be humorous about itself. For instance, I once wrote a small piece about a couple of fan friends who had broken up an unwanted piano and turned it into household artifacts – shelves, etc. The keys provided a cheerful fire. This was all perfectly true, but the thing was then extended:

SCENE: A classy piano dealer's luxuriously furnished showroom in Bond Street or 5th.Avenue; dotted here and there, glossy black, glossy walnut, glossy oak, grand and upright and mini – The Instruments. Chaste. Select. Elegant. ENTER: Two characters. A black-coated shopwalker hurries forward, rubbing pudgy white hands, slows abruptly as he sees STARTLING STORIES jammed in the pocket of one of the visitors.

1st. CHARACTER (Thoughtfully kicking piano): "Lousy wood here. A saw would stick in no time. There you are ... it's split."

2nd. CHARACTER: "There's good hinges on the lid, though. How about this one?"

SHOPWALKER: "Good morning ... uh ... gentlemen. May I assist you?"

2nd. CHARACTER: "Yeah; this piano. Are the keys flammable?"

SHOPWALKER: "I beg your pardon?"

2nd. CHARACTER:"Will they catch fire easily?" (ASIDE) "Go easy, Joe. Non-SF reader. Dull."

SHOPWALKER (loosening collar): "I'm sure I couldn't say. Were you interested in any ..."

2nd CHARACTER: "Thin legs on it, anyway. Of course, we could make 'em into candlesticks."

SHOPWALKER (faintly): "Candlesticks? But ... but this is a pianoforte by Steinway!"

1st. CHARACTER "Didn't he write Passion of Purple Planet?"

2nd. CHARACTER "No, that was Einstein. How about this? We want one with strong strings. We'll have to hang those rocket models up soon – they're all over the place."

SHOPWALKER (desperately): "The tone ..."

1st. CHARACTER:: "I think this is the best; we could cut this lid four ways, here and across here ... it's got a stool too. Wouldn't that hold the typer?"

2nd. CHARACTER: "Yes, I think you're right." (To Shopwalker) "We'll take this one."

SHOPWALKER (opening eyes): "Yes, sir. Certainly, sir. Where shall I send it, sir?"

1st. CHARACTER (producing axe and spitting thoughtfully on hands): "That's OK. We'll take most of it with us now ... well, Jeez, whaddya you know! Fainted!"

Y'see? We were an alienated group, apart from your everyday folk, and were sharply aware of it. Nothing like a little cultural difference to produce humour.

HEART ATTACK & VINE – Chuck Connor

Lovely stuff – allusions to fans, media, computers, and Gib. flying about all over. Especially like the declaration of principle in re. Sandra's bit – What I do know is that it matters not to me whether you are male, female or a seven-legged bivalve from Alpha Centauri, it's the 'you' that is important. So say (I hope) all of us, including the seven-legged bivalve.

Name of the APA. The faanish thing to do is to pick a good acronym, then insert initials to suit. Such as APE, a homage of course to those hairy guardians of the Rock. Amateur Publishing Essays. Or could be Friends of Uncle Chuck and Kin. Who knows?

JACK POINT'S JOURNAL – Ken Cheslin

Nice to see you APA-wise again. Your comments are always so full of interest that it wouldn't trouble me if the 'zine consisted of those only.

And good to see Widower verses again, and some very funny. Um...."Scandals reign around Royal lives / There's love and lust and mystery / Read 'Hal the 8th. and all his wives' / In Widower's Wonderful History......Another strain from old fandom, and except for the occasional mention of Tharg in ANSIBLE can think of nothing similar today.

FAN OF WEALTH & TASTE – Alan Sullivan

Don't know what alternative continuum you've been investigating, and when, but here, the extra 'h' in half-a-dozen words didn't last longer than '50s fandom. I like your definitions of difference between APAzines and genzines, tho' I've seen sercon APAzines (especially in FAPA) – for instance, a zine consisting of a bibliographical list of fantasy stories appearing in a 1900's US short-story magazine. Useful if you're a fan who'd be interested in that sort of thing, but otherwise.........

SOMETHING FOR THE WEEKEND – Steve Green

Nice 'n' easy stuff. If you want a copy of the article in Ken's fanzine on Quote Cards I've now got a functioning copier and can supply. Ta for the postcards – interesting.

BABBLING BABACOOTES IN BAVARIA – Eunice Pearson

Y'know, I was thinking that the Hay on Wye coincidence (person chancing upon an old book of theirs decades later) was just someone copying the earlier instance (both noted in VINCENTIAN ONE), but your story of Phil also undergoing that experience has made me re-consider. I guess I haven't disposed of enough books for it to be likely to happen to me, the nearest being a time when I bought a 2nd-hand PB and on the title page was the signature of a fan I'd known 30 years previously in the Midlands.

Coincidences do happen – I've written about one in Jenny Glover's recent fanzine, when I met my first fans in person in a bookshop after overhearing them planning to look for SF authors. And another occurs to me, tho' a bit far-fetched......John Brunner's first published story, in the early '50s, was a PB under the publisher's house-name of 'Gill Hunt'. About 4 years ago, the firm from whom I'd got my copier, Suburban Systems Ltd. of Farnborough, sent around a young lady to see if I wanted the machine serviced. I didn't, so she said farewell but left her Suburban Systems Ltd. card, on which she'd written her name – Gill Hunt.

?????? – John D.Rickett

Tho' not wishing to decry any of the marvellous technology of your PC, I don't think a Black Letter (Gothic?) font is a good read. Fine one you are to plead to Sandra for a bigger type-face. Envy you that decrement of 'Ha', tho – talk about vanishing point..... Really enjoyed this elegant foolin', but can't seem to get a handle on any comments, tho' possibly I'd like some information on dysdera crocata the woodlouse spider – I presume they eat woodlice? Keep on finding the damn things in the bath.

---

ABOUT FANDOM

I recently borrowed a book called Science Fiction Fandom from Terry Jeeves – the reason why I borrowed it was the thing costs $55, and the reason why Terry had one was because he'd written 4½ pages on British fandom in it. There'd originally been more, but it – and many articles by other folk – vanished before publication.

Anyway, the book had a largish (18p) bibliography at the back, which I thought it worth while copiering. There are notes on fannish histories, fanzines and reprints from same, etc. I don't know how many of you are into this sort of thing, and a lot of the stuff mentioned is American, but if anyone wants a copy please let me know.

---

It's now five years since ATom, Arthur Thomson, died. Still very much missed by his friends. I did a 100-print Memorial Volume to him in 1990, and am thinking of publishing a reprint, as I couldn't supply some fans at the time. Anyone interested? It's 60+ pages, includes some tributes.